Spanking...yay Or Nay?

There's nothing wrong with spanking your kids to discipline them. I wish more parents would do it but the right way. Spanking out of frustration or even hate, cussing at kids, bullying them and excessive beating only make things worse and promote more violence. I spank my kids when they are acting up but I make sure they understand the reasons and that my punishments come from love and because I want what's best for them.

 

Are you certain he's not already being spanked? I've worked with MANY children and in my experience, the children like the one you're describing, are the ones being spanked (or ignored). Respecting children is what seems to be out.. we live in a very anti-child world; they're the least respected and protected of all. Spanking is bullying. Spanking may get them to stop the inappropriate behaviour (disrespect is learned, by the way.. maybe point at the parents instead), but they will just learn to do it on the sly and that the people who they are supposed to trust most in the world, loves them conditionally.. only when well behaved. Ignoring our children is NOT the alternative, which spankers love to accuse. It's not to spank or to ignore and let get away with murder. Children deserve respect more than anyone on the planet.. they certainly don't deserve to be hit for learning the world and how to behave in it. Adults have tantrums all the time.. they're mean, they bully, they can't sit still, they're rude, they don't follow the rules.. then hit their children when they show the same behaviour? Children can and should be raised with absolute respect.. how else will they learn it? When you're "spanking" them.. that's not respect you're getting in return. Fear is not respect. No child should ever fear being hurt, disrespected or shamed by the people they love the most.

 

It seems to be very different nowadays, when we were young, we wouldn't dare talking like that to grown-ups. I think a firm attitude and some tough love never hurt our generation, and the mother might be to 'soft' on the child. He needs discipline and clear boundaries. I am not a fan of spanking, but sometimes this can help if the child is really out of this world. Maybe the boy just needs more ways to release his energy, have a good run and play with a ball or something.

 

Hmm this discussion really splits people straight down the middle. Neither one of the sides is prepared to back down from their stance, either. I'm of the opinion that a light spank on the hand or the bottom is ok. That's how I was brought up. This also extends to my siblings as well as everyone around me. It didn't leave me mentally scarred, and as far as I can tell, none of my siblings and others around me turned out damaged. We all turned out to be well rounded, law abiding, respectful people.


Now, experts don't always seem to distinguish between a light tap on the bottom or wrist (not the sort that leaves a mark) and outright abuse. Apparently the ‘softly softly’ approach beats a tap on the bottom/wrist, a raised voice....oh no, no, you have to pussy foot around children and always be negotiating with them about everything. -and I honestly reckon that's a big part of what's wrong with society today.

Luckily, in Botswana parents can still discipline children this way, and there are laws in place around abuse. We have of course moved on from when I was growing up, where everything an adult, your parent said was gospel, and school could administer lashings. What's different about Botswana today is that parents will still give a little slap, a good talking to, and also discuss situations with their young. Lashings are no longer allowed in schools.

This approach has married the old method with today's 'trends' and that seems to be working just fine. I just don't believe that talking to a child in that ‘softly softly’ manner alone is enough to ensure they know boundaries and grow up to be decent adults.

By way of an example of how the ‘softly softly’ approach can be damaging, I've seen a friend's 9-year-old son’s behaviour's already being a real embarrassment. She's totally opposed to any form of discipline and once laid into the father for putting her precious 'little' boy on the naughty step for 5 minutes, dramatically saying it was CRUEL! The boy is a mess, always shouting at the mother, throwing colossal temper tantrums in public, ordering his mum about and hitting her if he doesn’t get his way, turning on the tear tap etc.... all at the age 0f 9! My friend has warned us all, how she raises her son is not up for discussion. Now go figure.

 

Coddling is not the opposite of hitting. A child raised with respect from day one, will have respect for others. Sadly, most parents don't even know what that means.. they already believe they respect their kids fully or that their child has to earn it.. ugh. Loving someone doesn't equal respect. It should lol, but it doesn't. Kids have ALWAYS known they deserve respect.. hence the rebellion in many (hence the rebellion in all groups who have been treated unfairly over the ages). Parents are unfair when expecting the world from their children when they have total freedom to act as they choose merely for being past a certain age and paying the bills. Kids are smart.. they know hypocrisy and unfairness. They know they deserve to be taken seriously and heard. They are powerless; no rights.. they know it and feel it and it will colour their every action. Add to that the parents who raise them to fear their hand, or ignoring their inappropriate behaviour or treating them as fragile, infallible beings and THAT's what's "wrong with kids today". Parents are what's wrong with kids ALWAYS lol. If hitting were truly effective, there would be a LOT less people in prison. And as I said.. the kids I know to act out the most, are already being spanked at home.. people make a lot of assumptions about "kids today" and for some reason, they believe the worst are just not being hit. Most already are.. and all for their parents dropping the ball. "if you've told a child a thousand times and he still does not understand, then it is not the child that is the slow learner." But if people are fine with their child "knowing better" because they'll be hit for it, that's their business. I couldn't live with myself.

My kids learn through life and empathy, not fear of their mother's hand. I respect my children.. that's not coddling. They are respectful, happy and healthy because of it. They have every right to their feelings and comfort to learn how to be a part of this world without fear. Again, fear is not respect; so if respect is the desired outcome, hitting isn't the appropriate reaction. Respect comes from the overall relationship.. not from punishment. To each their own, of course.. but "turning out fine" as everyone always says, does not make it ok. I could hit someone right now.. or tap them or whatever you want to call it.. they'd "turn out fine", but I was still disrespectful to them.. it's still degrading and they deserve to protect themselves from me.. unless they're a child? I'm allowed to just remove their power over their own body because I think I'm right? But they're my size and pay bills, so they're safe from me lol.. they can defend themselves if they want and I will be charged with assault.

Just my opinion.. these are my feelings on hitting children. I don't think anyone is a bad parent because they're raising their kids with the only tools they were given. I just wish more people would believe it's absolutely unnecessary. It makes me sad...

 

It's ridiculous that it is now considered child abuse. There's nothing wrong with spanking as long as you're not being hard about it. When you start acting in dicipline with anger, it could lead to abuse. So parents need to know the line and not to cross it. We don't want to step into abuse, but stay in dicipline.

 

I totally agree with you @shoptodrop and jneanz. I actually think that's what's wrong with society today. Because parents can't or won't spank their kids, and like you say @jneanz, those toddlers soon turn into teens/young adults who have zero social graces and do not understand boundaries. They develop this sense of entitlement where they demand respect without earning it and

 

as

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s said, "you have spank your kid once in a while". (i included a link, watch the last few minutes of the show about corporal punishment)

I agree with him, I mean when your child make a really really wrong thing you have to give corporal punishment, simply talking it through will not work, or telling them to face the wall, or the common thing "you're grounded" wont work believe me, been there, done that.

When I was a child my mom would usually hit my butt with the broom stick or slippers (havainna's on your butt, ouch!), she didn't give reasons, but as a child when your mom starts saying "im gonna spank you if you dont stop what your doing or if you dont follow what im telling you", you already know that you either make a wrong thing or you really have to follow her orders or "somebody's gonna get hurt". It's a form of discipline, she didn't hit me for no reason and that's cool, I learned to behave.

But kids this days are so hard headed, they can talk back to their parents, they can curse their parents, what the heck, and that's because there is a hotline where they can report they parents.

If its abuse, like you're walking around bruised or you can no longer stand that I understand, but for simply spanking you? what's happening to the world? ha ha ha

 

Okay I am African and I know that spanking a child here is just easy punishment. We have canes and belts for that.

My father beat me with a belt, my teachers used a cane and if I did something wrong and whenever a grown up is around they were allowed to beat me if they thought I was doing something wrong. Basically beating a child is legal and a society thing but hurting the child is illegal. Extremes like burning the child is not right. So spanking is definitely in order for the child.

 

I'd like to throw in here that both of my toddlers are teens now lol, and they're both respectful people. I'm used to people insinuating that I must have abeen a lazy parent or I coddle my kids.. that they'll grow up to be disrespectful demons if I don't throw my power down on them and take theirs from them (not knowing that they're already so close to adulthood and still they wouldn't dream of disrespecting people that don't deserve it because that's how they were raised. I wasn't a hypocrite). I'm used to being the lone child advocate in a crowd of punishers and that's totally fine. Being outnumbered doesn't make me wrong.

I know first hand that hitting children is unnecessary (and inappropriate and bullying and and and). I've also worked with many children and have proven it to their parents. Hitters seem to think the only other options are putting kids in corners or begging them to stop etc, which just shows they don't have all the tools accessible to them and don't even know what those tools are. Give children some credit.. just like adults, they can learn without being hit! They aren't stupid and they deserve more respect than the stranger next to you whom you respect without question. All you have to do is treat them like human beings.. hitting them, putting them in corners etc is training them like dogs. Although I wouldn't even treat a dog like that lol. Every human being should have a right to power over their own bodies.. every human being should have the right to respect and hitting is not respect. The fact that someone thinks it's ok to hit someone smaller than they are and call it "for their own good" is NOT ok. Not in this area anyway. It's uneducated to say "what's wrong with kids today" is down to not hitting them. Especially considering people have been saying "what's wrong with kids today" since the beginning of time lol and hitting kids has always been ok. It's sad that once most people hit a certain age, they forget what it's like to be that child.

 

OMG, @Hozboy....I'm sorry to say this, but I think using a belt is way OTT! This is what I would describe as child abuse. If you don't mind me asking, where in Africa are you from?! I respectfully think this level of punishment cannot be compared to spanking i.e the use of a palm on the wrist or bottom. In Botswana, where I'm from, you'd be in trouble for that. There's an appreciation for discipling a child for sure, but nothing to that level thank God.

 

Well, spanking or any other form of discipline is really important. I mean look, my parents disciplined me a total of 2 or 3 times (I was a good boy ) and it was so right. Once I had run away from home on Holloween - I mean I hadn't actually run away, but I sort of disappeared. I did it intentionally because I wasn't "scared" of my parents and wanted to get as much candy as I could. My mum put the fear of god in me when I was finally found and she didn't need to spank me. The other two times I did get spanked and boy did I become good after that.

So I guess it's not bad to spank a kid.

 

Spare the rod, Spoil the Child and Toddler age is the perfect to introduce spankins/whoopings. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and they both get spanked when needed. Personally, I feel that if you child is old enough to understand the word no or repeat back to you what they are not suppose to do, they they are old enough to understand what a spanking means. I believe in discipline but I also believe there is a thin line between discipline and abuse. You should never discipline your child when really angry or really upset, and should always take a moment to get your yourself together and make sure you child knows why you are discipline them. My children will be spoiled but not to the point that they won't be spared. They can act up if they want to, but the ruler and punishment is close by.

Lol. I didn't get into trouble much either but I remember the first time I cursed at school and waited to tell my Mom about because I knew I was going to get it and let me tell you...I got it! She tore me up! Needless to say, I am now 34 years of age and I have choose that cursing was not something that I wanted to do and I never cursed again.

 

I was spanked as a child, it was carried to the point of being abuse. I have two girls that I did not spank when they were young. I may have told them I would but I never did, we would talk or punish by taking things away from them but my hands never went on their bodies. I do believe that I have to get your attention and if that means I have to spank you at least once then we will go there. My grandson's have found that I do not do a lot of talking and that I mean what I say but I still have not had to spank.

I have seen those kids that you want to just shake them until they get it, that they must behave or there will be a price to pay.

 

I was spanked as a child, It was not often, and only when I was being a spoiled brat. I can see both sides of the argument here. Spanking is a tool that can help in disciplining a child, but It should not be the only tool used.
A great trick I learned from my sister Is to allow children to learn for themselves. If you see them doing something mildly dangerous(likely to end with a skinned knee or bruise), tell them not to do it because they will get hurt. Allow them to use there own judgment about the situation, and if they get hurt, they will learn to listen to you in the future. No spanking necessary.

 

I think it's fine to an extent. I was spanked as a child, but not to the point that it would leave a mark, just enough to shock and to stop me from doing something again. It's good for discipline, but then many would take it far too far and even to dangerous levels which is awful.