Sometimes children can be demanding. They are young and have yet to understand that they can't have everything they want. Some children however wear their parents down by keeping on until they give in. Even though there may be tears and tantrums it is necessary for them to know that money does not grow on trees and sometimes we cannot afford what they want. How do you deal with this? Do you stand firm or give in?
It all depends on what they want. If it is some toy they want and don't need then I will stand firm because they don't need another toy. If it is something they want from the grocery store and they have been behaving while we are shopping (because they hate grocery shopping almost as much as me and tend to fight) I will allow them to get some food item they want. I try to pick my battles because sometimes, they will deserve a treat once in a while.
I would agree with @morgoodie , a lot of kids go gaga over toys that they would just throw away after a few weeks. But if it's food or a meal then I would say yes to it as long as the kid isn't acting like a brat and is asking politely for what the kid wants.
It's good to say no when they throw a tantrum for something they don't need. After spending two weeks at his grandma's house, my nephew has picked up a bad habit of throwing tantrums if they don't take him to the store to buy more toys. Apparently, his grandmother would do this almost every day. It's not good to spoil kids and give in whenever they demand it. If they've been good and behave it's a different story.
I agree with you that we should learn to say NO and should not give-in to all their demands just because they would do anything to get what they want. However, I was too bad at this and gave-in finally even if not immediately. I also accept that my action was not at all worth following but being too weak at this particular point as I could not see a child crying or urging repeatedly. However, I always tried to adjust my weakness by diverting their attention as much as I could but when I failed (I failed in most cases) I gave in.
I don't have kids nor do I usually care for them, however I have several younger cousins and I don't simply let them walk around and do whatever they like if they are under my care. I would stand your ground to them, especially if they begin to throw tantrums. You're not helping them or yourself in any way if you give in so easily.
As parents, we have to be very disciplined as to how firm we are when it comes to giving in to our kids demands. The more you give in to every demand from your child, the more difficult it will be for you to control or correct that behavior when and if it gets out of hand. And once that child knows you say yes all the time, he/she has won the argument. Like someone said, if its things like food, sure you can be flexible with this. You don't want to starve your child But even with food, there has to be a limit. Too much of everything is bad.
The fact is they are children and may not know what it takes to get money to meet those demands or wants to satisfy them. Many have no idea yet how those wants will be met, so it's the duty of the parents to be discreet about such wants especially if they go over board. We mustn't meet all their demands, make them learn to feel good with the available and gradually educate them in that line too.
I agree with your statement that kids can't have everything they want because saying no to a child and then explaining the reason for saying no to a particular thing will help them to understand the importance of money and act responsibly. By this way they will not develop hatred towards parents for saying no. Plus, it depends on the things they demand and how often they do like this. We can't say no to everything but we can reduce the number.
My son doesn't care much for expensive toys. However, he has learned to use his own smartphone (the camera and video features) and when his phone's camera was broken, he wanted me to buy him a new smartphone! While he was good at the emotional blackmail game and was trying to be the sweetest kid around, I refused to give in.I told him I'll replace the smartphone when it turns two years old. I'd explain that we can't just buy something as costly as a smartphone anytime we want to because we had to prioritize more important things like school fees, food, the house, and savings. I'm glad that he understands. Nowadays, when he wants to buy something, he has learned to give me a grace period.
I never give in, because this is a way to create our child character and our child must know that nothing comes for free in this world, and the word "NO" exist and it cannot be changed with tears and tips to give in.
I find a balance is goo, but generally not to give in if it's a demand. The other day I was in town and the majority of the children I saw (as it's holiday time) were so badly behaved, screaming and crying in public and out of control. Some parents or grandparents gave in to keep them quiet, some just ignored them though. Maybe not to give in or they couldn't be bothered. I think it begins at home so children don't act like this in public. These habits begin at home at an early age, so don't give in and negotiate.
Giving in to a child's demands every time is spoiling them and would not teach them to be appreciative. When I was a child of 7 or 8 my job would be to polish all my mums brass ornaments on a Saturday. Also, I had to clean one of the animals out. This gave me 50 pence a week pocket money. I was encouraged to spend within my means and to save at least 10 pence of it for times like Christmas and Birthdays when I would need to buy gifts. It taught me a lot, even at that young age. My parents never gave in to demands and we never used to demand. We could ask, but if the answer was no, then it was because it was out of the budget. If we wanted something we were encouraged to save up out of our pocket money and when we had a fair amount, my parents would add a bonus to what we had saved, like pay the difference, for example, but we had to show that we had saved already. It taught me that if I work, I can get what I want by saving up. It taught me that nothing is out of reach if I budget properly and work hard.
I agree with you. My daughter is still quite young for all these demands. But here when I see my cousin's kids crying for something, I really feel that I should full fill the demand. Hope my daughter will not be that demanding. I mean full filling all demands is not right way to grow kids. Right? But some kids do many odd things than just crying. I wonder how to handle such situations. Sometimes they also harm their self for getting things, this is just unavoidable.
My granddaughter and I have just returned from a holiday. Although I was generous with eating out. spending on activities and buying small gifts I did find that she wanted more than was necessary and there were a few sulky faces because there were times when I said no. At the end of the holiday she did say thank you and was pleased when she found out there was a little left over for an extra treat so hopefully she learned that sometimes being thrifty has its benefits.
I personally believe that, your child should always be told what to do when he/she is growing up and it is very important to guide them to make them understand the difference between right and wrong. Child's demands should be considered at all times as long as they are ethical and these demands should not be fulfilled without any effort by your kid. The kid should be given a certain task or practice something for eg. To wish good morning to people you see after you wake up. Only if the kid does this, the kid must be rewarded with his ethical demand if possible. This motivates the kid to practice good mannerisms and they know their demands may be met by doing so. Therefore this way you can consider handling a child's demands.
I believe that children should be taught at a young age about different values in life, including self-control. I have 2 nephews and 1 niece, and sometimes, I would do shopping with them. It's kind of annoying when they cry but I never give in. I tell them about the importance of being frugal. I also tell them about whether it's right or wrong to behave that way.
I should admit that this is my weakness. I couldn't afford to see our 4-year old, smart granddaughter be disappointed for her request every time she does. I sometimes trick her by she knows that I have money. I pity her once she burst crying, displaying her tantrums. Now, she's growing up. She's beginning to learn from me and she begins to believe me as long as I am frank to her.
I always told my children to buy only when we need something. It's not because we don't have the money (though we really don't have much to spare), but it's mainly because we do not waste unnecessary resources in the earth. I always told them to save the resources as much as we can, as there are not unlimited supplies and there are many others who do not have the privileges to use these resources. I am glad my children understand and they do not ask too much for toys. I also always encouraged them to make their own toys with the resources we already have, such as papers. They always enjoy making their own toys, and I always make toys for them too. There are some areas I always give in, for example they want more time to play in the playground or buy certain food, but certainly not for buying toys.
This is certainly something that you really want to get in on early. They are the ones that can sense the weakness and they will take you for quite a ride, at least my kids did.
