I'm sure you've heard the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side." For instance: I am single, & therefore I see Marriage as 'some Promised Land fantasy (where I can be with my lover anytime she & I feel so-inclined, where we can constantly-forever feel the wonderful feelings we experience during our brief times together, etc.)' But I'm sure that (after they've been together long enough) married people have a slightly-different take on that---you have to be constantly-ready, because--once you're married--your spouse can POUNCE on you 'anytime' (whether you feel so-inclined or not). Further, you have to constantly update them on your planned actions (for the day, for the next few hours, etc.) and usually feel you need constant updates on their plans, whereas you could do 'whatever you wanted, without notifying ANYBODY' when you were single! I'm sure that Marriage 'makes up for' that lack of freedom somehow But I'm wondering, what makes one-of-`em better than the other?
There are a few quotes regarding the grass is greener credo. The best one, in my opinion, is, 'The grass is always greener on whichever side you water the most.' I think that everyone is different and I think that different things work for different people, because of that. The reason that the grass always seems like it is greener is because as human being, we are never satisfied and are always looking to experience something new. We yearn for things, and then when we get them the journey and challenge is done, and we are like: NEXT!!
i think there are upsides to both. the stability and financial benefits of marriage are a definite plus. while at the same time not having to answer to anyone and being able to do as y ou please is a definite plus when it comes to being single. as with anything in life there are tradeoffs, positives and negatives. no situation in life is all good or all bad.
Agree! I was like this when I was still single. At 25 I was rushing to get married just because all my friends are already married and have kids. But a few years after getting married, I was always wishing to be single again (actually just away from my husband as I adore all my kids ). Well anyway, now at 45 I can say that I'm really happy to be married (19 years!). Acceptance (and maturity) I think was really the key that made me finally decide to stay married.
I have never been one of those people who wants to get married because it is sen as the thing to do? I just cannot fathom it. But I guess it can be pretty frustrating wanting something and seeing everyone else with it. I guess it could get a bit lonely when your friends are all talking about something and experiencing something that you have yet to experience. But apart from that, if the urge to follow suit isn't within me then I am quite happy to not follow suit, if that makes any sense. I am sure that if I was to ever get married, I would still be like: Next, but just in a different context.
Surprise! I agree with Dreekster. I was going to say the grass is greenest where you water it as well.. because it's true. You can't look to others for what you want because you may not treat it the same way. Or the thing you want may not treat you the same way. Happiness doesn't just come to you when you get what you want.. you have to water it lol. You have to choose happiness and put into it what you expect of it. I never wanted to get married. But here I am, over a decade into it and we're happier than we've ever been. Marriage is a word.. not a neat little package you get when you sign the papers. Marriage is what you make it.. so if you end up unhappy; guess what? You either didn't water it or you let it neglect you.
I think one negative thing in our culture is the way marriage is kind of looked down upon or made fun of. When in reality it's the most important institution in society. It stablizes society and gives children a chance at a loving and caring upbringing. Being single is kind of celebrated and all of the negative aspects that come with it are ignored, and that's pretty unfortunate.
This is a good post and I hope my Husband don't see this (wink wink) but I believe Singleness is better any-day, although at first marriage is all happening mainly because of you know! but then all u wish for is your own space. Then things change after your first child but this is a different ball game, coming back to the question of Singleness/Marriage I'd vote up singleness only if you can handle it.
Really? You think that marriage is looked down upon? Maybe by men who don't want to be 'tied own.' But certainly not by women. Women usually aspire to marriage and it is an over emphasis on it. Too much for my liking. I don't think that it should be that important. But all in all it is usually women who take it the most seriously, though that is not to say that there are not women who do not, and men who do take it seriously.
OP, your comment that your partner can "pounce" on you any time after marriage sounds very rape-y. But in a bitter, harsh way it's sort of true. When I was dating my ex and didn't feel like having sex, my ex would romance me and charm me into it. After 10 years with my ex, if I didn't feel well or wasn't in the mood, he would have a tantrum like a child and start throwing things. When you are married or in a long term relationship, your partner feels like they own you and you should be available for "action" at any time. So I ended up doing intimate things that I didn't want to do just to avoid tantrums and arguments. Being single is freaking sweet. I don't have to be pressured into doing anything intimate that I don't want. There are no arguments. I don't have to explain where I'm going or when I'm coming back. I can cook what I want, do what I want ,go where I want. Although being a single mom is hard financially, I'd rather be on my own than living with a man who treats me like property.
Sadly, a lot of women feel like this. And it has gotten to the point that if you are married, then some people do not even consider it rape, which is ridiculous. If a woman says no - even just once, then learn to fucking back off. It isn't even about owning you. It is about owning your body. Look at Elliot Rodgers, who murdered those people on campus because blonde blue eyed girls wouldn't have sex with him. This is a product of the patriarchal society that we live in - where men are taught entitlement and ownership over women's bodies, and when they don't get it are likely to lash out. I totally hear you on the single front lol. I just cannot be bothered to have to deal with someone else's needs and questions and all of the rest of it. I don't want to explain why I don't want to have sex or whatever, because there is bound to be a time where my partner wants to and I don't, and then I don't want to be made to feel like I owe anyone my body. A lot of women feel like if they don't have sex with their boyfriends/husbands, then their husbands/boyfriends will go out and cheat on them in order to get sex. So they will give their bodies up, even when they don't want to, which is disgusting in my opinion. It is like emotional bribery. I wish someone would try to pressure me into having sex with them. I would read them for absolute filth!!!!!!!!!
Yikes.. this is starting to make me feel sad. People have all these preconceived ideas about relationships they aren't even in yet, so they avoid it altogether. Our exes are not our future partners. Not all men feel they own our bodies. Not all partners want you to report to them or nag you about every little thing. There are trustworthy, mature people out there. The "kissing frogs" aspect sadly has to happen sometimes, but the point is to respect yourself enough to move on when you see red flags. I haven't been with someone like mentioned in some of the posts here since I was a teen. I don't report to my husband, he doesn't need to know every detail of my day or need me to tell him my every move or who I'll be spending time with. If I didn't want sex, I wouldn't worry he'd cheat on me and I know it would never even cross his mind. He doesn't own me or feel entitled in this relationship.. we're equal and respect each other to the fullest. If you don't settle for less, you won't get it. Not everyone is childish and/or mean and being in a relationship doesn't automatically equate to a naggy, owny biotch of a boyfriend or girlfriend lol. It's ok to not want to be in a relationship.. the dating game isn't always fun. But to label a partner you don't even have is silly lol. I know plenty of people I could set you guys up with that would make you rethink you're whole stance
You definitely nailed it with the phrase "Owe my body." After 10 years, my ex acted like I owed him sex, whether I felt like it or not. OP making the ignorant comment that when you are married you can "pounce" on your partner when you feel like it, and you have an endless source of sex, reminded me of my ex. To some men, a wife is just a convenient sex doll that you don't have to take on dates or make romantic gestures toward. I think Frank on Always Sunny would call that a "bangmaid", a maid that cleans up after you and then you bang her. Eventually he did cheat on me, but then the other woman cheated on him with his 2 friends. That was some quick acing karma.
I agree. The entitlement part of it sucks. I mean, these men may think that they respect and love their wives, but when the sex drive kicks in many people will do anything to sate the fire in their loins, including pressure the person that they are married to, which is the complete opposite of love and respect. And then there are the people who just don't have any respect or love for their wives at all if they are doing this. But society has made it so that if a relationship breaks down, a lot of the time people look to the woman. 'Well, she must not have been doing something right in the bedroom.' This has become a real fear for women. Women owing their husbands sex has become sort of normalized. It is a part of what women are 'just supposed to do.' Karma is a bitch lol.
