Marriage Is a Bad-Bad-Bad-Bad-Bad-Bad-Bad Deal that Gets Way-Way-Way-Way-Way-Way Worse!

Discussion in Off Topic Discussion & General Questions started by mythman • May 30, 2014.

  1. mythman

    mythmanActive Member

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    I recently saw two of 'today's philosopher/prophets' explaining how it's really a better deal to be [SUB]alone[/SUB] --not 'alone': "single," "not tied-down" ...

    The first--responding to the GLBTQ-community's "It Gets Better"-campaign--responded with "In Actuality, Marriage Gets Way Way Way Way Way Way Worse": a video-sequence of married men explaining how 'your wife turns into a sagging bag of smelly guts,' how 'yes, I know I don't look as good as I used to; but looking good is not my job,' how 'living with a wife is like moving back in with your mother, except you ALSO have to have s*x with her" (and--as some of you know--s*x is too complicated to do as often as you like to j.o.)

    The second (in one of his monologues ... or is the word 'diatribes'?) explained how all his 50+ years he had felt like a 'waste on the planet' since he was still single---his married friends--after hearing he was still single--would dismiss him with kind of a "so, Why do you still exist?" But then he realized that it wasn't HE who was useless, but it was his married friends who made him feel that way (because the people they were useful to were visible, whereas he might never see the ones he is useful to).

    So I'm glad to be single, but ... "The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"; and if my 'Wif' drafts me, I'll be as enlisted as all the other guys shackled to the "ball-&-chain."
     
    #1May 30, 2014
  2. deansaliba

    deansalibaActive Member

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    I've never really understood why so many people HAVE to be married. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly five years and even though things are going well, she is always pestering me to get married, neither of us are religious and if I can remember my religious education lessons at school marriage is a religious thing. Why do I need as piece of paper and have to spend thousands of pounds on a ceremony just to proof to someone that I love them?
     
    #2May 30, 2014
  3. mythman

    mythmanActive Member

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    Marriage was originally something like 'the signature' on an agreement between two families/nations. I think that's the reason why King Solomon had so many wives (something like 700 wives & 900 concubines?), as most of them were 'signatures on peace-treaties' between Israel & other nations.

    "Love" has nothing to do with marriage, except that it makes it 'worth' spending all your time with someone other than yourself.
     
    #3May 31, 2014
  4. ACSAPA

    ACSAPAWell-Known Member

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    I'm not really a fan of marriage. I lived with my ex boyfriend for 10 years because we have a child. I stayed with him out of obligation. so that my kid could have two parents. My daughter and I were miserable.
    If I had been married to him, it would have been even worse. I've experienced being stuck with someone out of a sense of duty and I never want to got through it again.

    I have NEVER heard someone say "I feel so free since getting married. My partner really lets me be myself and do whatever I want." I'm not interested in being suffocated.
     
    #4May 31, 2014
  5. True2marie

    True2marieActive Member

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    I don't think being single is all that it's chucked up to be. There's a reason why married men live longer than their single brothers. They have purpose, whether or not it's self-focused. Being single is a challenge for many people for obvious reasons - financial, sexual and social. No one wants to say this. However, I KNOW very well the pitfalls and it's why men and women RUN to the alter on a regular basis.
     
    #5May 31, 2014
  6. ACSAPA

    ACSAPAWell-Known Member

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    Yep, they run to the altar and then get divorced in a year, once they realize that they can't do what they want without running it by a partner for approval.
    My daughter and I love all the foods that my ex hated and it's nice to be able to make whatever we want for dinner. It's nice to not get 10 phone calls a day asking where I am and what I'm doing.
    I like living in peace and not being annoyed.
     
    #6Jun 1, 2014
  7. mythman

    mythmanActive Member

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    It's sort of like my view of 'employment': yes, the main draw of it (paycheck) made me 'rush to the' state-HR management to get a job (with my 'disability' "entitling" me to the hire no matter how unsuitable I was); but the paycheck wasn't worth the stress & struggle & continued lack of acceptance!

    With marriage, you're rushed into it because you think it's like "we're boyfriend-girlfriend FOREVER," when it's more like 'we're brother-sister forever' or 'we're "lazy master/never-resting servant" forever (though the "master" probably thinks it's more like "hard-working wage-earner/nagging free-loader" forever).'

    That's why it might be better for the couple to live together before they're married---possibly even before they commit to engagement! Otherwise, 'proposing marriage' is like 'asking the proposee to let someone lock you together in a dark room forever, where you can turn the lights on AFTER the door's locked.' And too many people are so mortified by what they see once they're locked-in that one-or-both pound on the door "LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!!" as soon as they can!

    Another thing I don't like about marriage: people don't treat it like 'the team of a man & woman to uphold their "pillar of the Kingdom" (as husband and his support-base),' but now they treat it like (and sponsor laws to define it as) 'an embargo between two separate entities.'

    Thuus, most girls WON'T go into it unless a man 'forces' them to (don't get me wrong; I'm sure the women-grant license the whole time & -reserve the right to revoke license at any time, I think I mean 'force' in the same way a pilot "forces" the airplane into the sky). She's pretty-much just 'buying some faithfulness' (as is the man)---the idea being something like 'sure, they "promise" faithfulness now; but with this wedding, they promise in a CONTRACT witnessed by all our invitees!"

    But--like with employment (for me anyway)--that 'faithfulness' isn't worth all the extra responsibilities, stresses & unpaid labor that come with fulfilling that contract!

    And (back to MY problem with marriage) a man doesn't have the 'esteem' (both self-esteem and ... 'money') to do that unless he's got 'tokens of support of society' (that's both 'degrees conferred by respectable establishments' AND 'money given in fulfillment of a contract').

    I don't have any 'tokens of support' (unless you count the pittance of an income I get from the insurance of the man who killed me) because a) people won't believe that I can fulfill contracts (for various reasons which all stem from the fact that I didn't STAY dead when the "doctors" said I would) & b) no one thinks I'm worrth the time-&-money that would go into my education (mostly because I don't think what they call "education" is worth the time-&-money).
     
    #7Jun 2, 2014
  8. Parker

    ParkerWell-Known Member

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    Funny that this question popped up on this forum. I went to a women's retreat on Saturday. One of the ladies in my women's circle really wanted to get married. During lunch I was talking to two other women in the circle. I admitted that marriage is not high up on my to-do and goal lists. It's not even in the top 100. One of the women who had been married was so glad to be divorced. She was sick and tired on taking care of a man. It was too stressful for her. Apparently he liked to sit on his butt and expected her to be at his beck and call. He wanted her to cook everyday. Not take out or left overs.

    The other woman thought why would any woman agree to volunteer to work two full time jobs. I really don't want to be cooking and cleaning up after a grown person. I have never been married and I'm more than fine with it.
     
    #8Jun 2, 2014
  9. whnuien

    whnuienActive Member

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    I lived with my husband for 7 years before we got married. We decided to get married because we both were honestly wanted to be a parent and we thought it would be unfair for our baby if it is all about satisfying our desire as a grown up only.

    We don't look after each other but we look after our child together. As a wife I'm not obliged to do all the things he can do for himself as a grown up and that is how we live happily together.

    I think this is all depends on how people define marriage is. If you think marriage is a way to secure your position in your partner's life then marriage is a big mistake for you because that is not how things work. If you think marriage is another way to have someone else do things for you then you are going to run into a disaster in the future.

    Marriage is not for everybody, being parent is not for everybody, and being single is equally not for everybody either. It is all about choice and preference. We also have all the power to live our lives the way we want.

    Marriage itself is not the main issue.
     
    #9Jun 3, 2014
  10. mythman

    mythmanActive Member

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    Makes me wish for the 'good ol` days' when women were men's most-prized posession. When a full household could get-by comfortably on one middle-class income.

    And that's PART of the possible reason a woman would take "the second full-time job": to help out her 'second income'-earner!

    But "Marriage itself" is made a main issue by its portrayal in movies & tv shows, -by people claiming it as a "right" like 'freedom of speech,' -by the fact that it changes fun girls---changing them from 'pretty-young-things whom one might lose to another man' into 'PYTs who aren't worth keeping if they're stolen' (sorry I'm portraying 'women as property,' but they DO lose value after they're 'bought' ;) )
     
    #10Jun 5, 2014
  11. SavvyGirl2014

    SavvyGirl2014Member

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    Marriage is a struggle, but so are all relationships. You have your ups and downs. But its honestly not bad if you marry the right person. In addition, the people getting married have to be prepared to know it won't be roses all the time. I think movies have made a lot of people think that marriage is always a romantic tale and they forget to mention finances and children, two of the biggest issues. I think if more of the world worked as hard on their marriage as they do on their careers, people would actually enjoy being married more.
     
    #11Jun 6, 2014
  12. mythman

    mythmanActive Member

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    Movies, yes; but don't forget television-shows & celebrity-news ... and even 'books' (you notice it's "storybook"-romance?)

    And it's not "if you marry the right person," it's 'if you marry the person right!' ... maybe it's a "little" adjustment, but a 'little adjustment' of the rudder could've saved the S.S. TITANIC!

    Point is: When you marry someone, you aren't "adding them to your life" (just like your life isn't 'being added to' yours); BOTH of your old lives are OVER, and you are a new creation together ... sure, the worldly extentions of your old lives remain; but---it's like when Neo unplugged from THE MATRIX, except this time he & Trinity melded together & that new organism was put in the same place that Neo had been (except the wall between that place & Trinity's place would be knocked out & Trinity's old connections ALSO plugged into the new creature).

    That new organism would then have most of the situations that the two old ones had had (except for the ones that are eliminated, like the loneliness & some insecurities), and the remaining ones are now BOTH OF YOUR problems-&-blessings.

    Maybe that could be the core-lesson of a new MATRIX-sequel :D
     
    #12Jun 6, 2014
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